Friday, February 20, 2009
On those disturbed days of my childhood , when I was just a boy of 5 or 6 years old , once my father asked me to get buying some bread . The financial situation of most families was somehow 'disastrous' , and we were not an exception , so having bread to eat was almost a 'luxury' .
I went out with a single 'shahy' (a pence) in my pocket on the way of the bakery . After buying the bread I didn't take the usual street to go back home, but rather I took a narrow sandy way , just to have time for gambling and having fun , following my early childhood impulses .
Suddenly at a crossing of ways I encountered a crowd of people , gathered around some loots and hoodlums of the quarter , who were fighting verbally with harsh and loud voices. By curiosity and because I was a tiny kid I could get through the crowd and found myself in the front of the 'fighters' . They were of scary appearance and my heart began beating fastly and the crowd became more and more compact and obstucted all 'chance' of 'exit' or 'escape' , so I was unable escaping or saving myself from that turbulence .
I noticed that most of them were equiped with 'cold' and 'warm' arms and guns , and also I heard some gun shooting in the air just to intimidate the 'audience' .
The 'chef-fighter' who had a very thick moustache said to his 'opponent' - with a vulgar loud voice - : " do you know why in my town everyone scares me and calls me the 'luti-jangui' (fight-seeker loot) , and as I appear in the street , they all hide themselves and flee me ?" The other one who was seemingly his adversary , looked a 'calm' and 'rational' man , said quietly : "no , why ?" . The 'luti-jangui' shouted arrogantly : " because I 'm the best gun shooter of the world"! The other man said calmly : "what makes you thinking that you are the 'best gun shooter of the world'?" The arrogant loot replied loudly : "because I killed thousands of people in my life !" His potential or 'imaginary opponent' who tried to calming him down said :"but you know my 'friend' , killing people is one thing and 'good' shooting is totally another thing , you can still kill people but this never makes you a good gun shooter "! The 'luti-jangui' became red of anger and said :" do you want I prove you what a good gun shooter I am ?".
I was shaking out of fear because first of all I was astounded by this harsh 'conversation' I couldn't understand very well , it was to me a sort of fun or game , but on the other hand I was the tiny creature stayed just in front of that arrogant loot and didn't know what could become to me and didn't realize the danger which was threating me .
Suddenly the harsh loot pointed his gun in my direction and said to his 'opponent ' :"Now i m targetting the forehead of this miserable kid and will collapse his empty head before you , just to show you how much I am great and competent in my target shooting ".
The crowd around me became silent and fearful and couldn't articulate a single word , because they knew that this man was just crazy and able to kill all of them , so as astonished as they were they emptyed my back , and me , without having the time or the capability of reacting , I just stayed where I was and the loot shot me . I say that he shot me because I just felt a sensation of burning on my head and knew that the bullet just touched my thick hair and head 's skin .
Everyone scattered out of fear , shouting and fleeing . Suddenly by some unknown impulse I began running fast and fleeing with a heart which was about exploding of fear in my chest , and finally i arrived at my father's home .
I can't explain in what state I found myself , I was just 'conscious' that I was not dead and this seemed to me unbelievable and extraordinary . My tongue was so paralyzed in my mouth that I couldn't say to my father why I was late and what happened to me .
That night I ate nothing and I thought that I became mute forever . I had a very troublesome and disturbed sleep . In my dream I just saw myself alone , weak and defenseless , encircled by a group of hungry wild wolves who were intending putting my in pieces . In that dreamy scenery I was talking to the wolves just by my mind saying :" but I did nothing bad , why do you want attacking me ?" And them , laughing loudly at my silliness said that they never
care about my 'badness' or 'goodness' and the only thing they wanted was to anihilating me !
I should say that this event and the dream I had , have pursued me for a long time in my life .
Sometimes , still in my childhood , when I thought about that event , the one to which a boy of 5 or 6 years old was exposed , an experience which could be fatal for sure , but it wasn't , I began thinking , very confusely , about some 'other world' , maybe from 'above' , a sort of 'metaworld', monitored by a Supreme Being !...